Inner Drive – Having the Power to Change

I find myself thinking lately a lot about my life and where it’s going. The days seem to run together and everything seems static. Now I know this to be untrue, yet I find myself unconsciously going out of my way to ensure that each day comes and goes with as little change as possible. I have days where the opposite is true, but most days fall into the static category.

Why?

I think part of it is Fear of Change. I also think, however, a big part of it is feeling Powerless to make any significant change.

It’s nice to say that we all have the power to effect change if we just apply ourselves, and I suppose that’s even true, but what about the things we cannot change? Or, what about the things we COULD change, but for some reason we cannot find enough ‘inner drive’ to actively effect that change?

Here’s a good example. I have a job. A good job. In fact, in this economy and in this world, I should consider myself quite lucky. However, I’ve hated my job since the company I worked for centralized us over a decade ago. I hate the politics in a corporate environment. If I could list just one thing about my life that I could change, it would be what I do for a living. But there is literally nothing else I could do that would pay as much as I make now, and what I make now is barely enough for my family of 6 to survive on. Okay, perhaps that’s not entirely true. It’s more true to say that finding the time to learn or do something new is very difficult. Now, here’s what I mean- Could I manage to learn or do something else that would pay the bills? Sure. In fact, I can think of a few things I could take the time to learn. Yet still, every day remains static and the days continue to run into each other.

What I am lacking is that certain, ‘Inner Drive.’ You know, that inexplicable feeling you get regarding something that all of a sudden, usually in the span of a single day, causes you to change something about your behavior that totally alters your life. Why is it that we seem to have no control over this feeling? There seems to be some kind of internal ‘tipping point’ that we must reach before our unhappiness about something reaches a point where something inside just snaps.

What is this?

I have had a few of these moments in my life. Moments that have drastically altered the course of my life. For example, when I was 19 I had a mental breakdown. I had been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and my life was a terrible mess as a result of my unhappiness and poor choices. One day, the consequences of one of my poor choices hit me square in the face and I was left curled up in a ball and quite literally out of my mind. Somehow my grandfather new how to snap me out of it by angering me. Once I came to my senses I went outside and in a torrent of fury raked the entire yard in 10 minutes. But something happened in those few moments. I began to ask myself why I was so unhappy and the inescapable conclusion was that I was afraid of being happy, afraid of being a failure, and in my fear I was too afraid to make a choice. In that moment I realized that failing to actively Choose happiness was the same thing as choosing to be unhappy. I made the choice to be happy that day. Within a couple months I was off medication and I have never looked back.

What happened? I acknowledged my fear, understood the truth of my particular situation, realized the power I had all along, and made a choice.  What started as probably the worst day of my life became the beginning of long-term positive change in my life. In this particular case, it was the powers of realization and acknowledgement that fueled change. But what about those situations you know need change but you have neither the proper realizations or acknowledgements?

I’ve literally spent years trying to find the ‘inner drive’ to change my job situation and simply cannot reach that place where the drive is strong enough to give me the power to change. There are other things in my life that still come first. Paying the bills (my job), my family (having a wife and 4 children is very time consuming!) and my own need to find ‘down’ time so I can unwind from all the stress the first 2 things cause me. It is a nasty cycle and I cannot seem to find my way out of it without choosing to forget about my family or paying the bills, both of which I’m simply not willing to do. I don’t just feel like I’ve been backed into a corner, I feel like the room I’m in has had the doors and windows removed.

I’ll figure it out eventually- I always do. Anyone who has any insights, please share!

TOTD: Breaking Habits- Mix It Up!

Change things up once and a while. Routines can lead to complacency.

Habits are hard to break. Mixing things up a little on a regular basis can help get your brain accustomed to breaking habits.

Pick a habit you have that you’d like to break. Try to see if you can figure out what triggers you have and then figure out what the causes of of those triggers are. Once you’ve done that, see what things you can change in how you go about an average day that may help.

If all that seems too complicated, just start with changing up some of your normal routines and see what happens!

Corporate America

Have you ever wondered when you shop at a major chain store how they can sell everything for so cheap?

In today’s world companies can only succeed by growing. When they grow, they leverage their size to decrease costs and can therefore afford to sell items cheaper. But when they grow, they also squeeze out local businesses. I mean honestly, who goes and buys at a local store when you can get it cheaper at Walmart? Personally, I’d love to buy local, but when you are struggling from paycheck to paycheck like most average Americans, you do what you gotta do.

Ask yourself, if we allow this to continue to happen, what is going to happen in the long term? Everyone will just work at major chains and local stores will just go away.

So what? Who cares? Things change. Right?

You should care. When companies become large, like Walmart, they become players in the Political scene.

Do you realize that most of those in our Senate and Congress get elected because of campaign funds given to them by large companies and special interests? Do you really think a large company just gives money to a candidate out of good will?

Keep dreaming. Corporate America is a problem, and while I don’t know the solution, something needs to be done.

Be vocal. Gather. Discuss. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. If things don’t change, sooner or later it may become illegal for you to complain.

A Corporation is a multifaceted entity, but not a human being. By supporting large companies you are phasing out local businesses run by you and me in favor of a multifaceted entity who’s left hand almost never knows what the right one is doing, never mind cares about its ‘fellow’ man.

I don’t profess to have the solution to this issue, but I believe it is important for us ‘regular’ folk to question, discuss, and take whatever action it is within our power to take.

-Corporate America. Think about what this entails. Discuss. Form Opinions. Take Action.

 

Face Your “Comfort Zones”

Today seems to be ruled by thoughts of Change for me.  A number of years ago I began to write a book (which someday I hope to finish) called “Finding Your Way In a Confusing World.” In it, I wrote a section on what I called, “The Comfort Zone.” For some reason it strikes me to share my thoughts on this. I’ll start by quoting a section from my book.

            It is natural to want to control the environment around you so that you can stay within your ‘comfort zone’. Everyone has at least one comfort zone. You get into the ‘groove’ of things being a certain way, and whether you are consciously aware of it or not, you fight to keep things that way.

            Here’s a good example. When you are 18 years old, you fall deeply in love with someone. After being with this person for 2 years, getting to know each other very deeply and growing very close, you become comfortable. Time begins to roll by and as you each grow and change you begin to get hints of realization that you are growing in separate directions. But, wait! You love each other, you are extremely comfortable with each other, and so, even though it’s obvious to each of you that you are growing apart, you begin to make all sorts of excuses and reasons why it’s not bad enough to warrant you having to break up with each other.

            At this point, you are in the ‘comfort zone’. You have become so comfortable being with this other person, that contrary to all the signs that you are growing apart and beginning to move in separate directions, you refuse to acknowledge it. It’s at this point that things start to get stressful. You begin to feel yourself pulled in different directions. At first, it’s not so bad; you learn to give up on this, let go of your desire for that. Just little things at first. But you find inside yourself a growing sense of unfulfillment. You are now a victim of the ‘comfort zone’.

            The comfort zone is something that has claimed all of us in this life. We all have our own particular comfort zones in relation to many things. Once you realize that you need to start finding ways to get out of your comfort zones, you come to the part where you realize you have to figure out what they are!

            A good way to begin to figure out where your comfort zones are is to pay attention whenever you feel comfortable. I know this may sound a little silly, but it works. By paying attention, I mean taking the time to examine what is making you comfortable, and why you feel comfortable. Then, you need to ask yourself, ‘is this particular comfort beneficial or necessary to me?”

It was about 10 years ago now that I started examining my own comfort zones. In that time I’ve learned many things about myself and the world we live in. Many ‘Comfort Zones’ are fairly harmless. However, once you start the process of examination, eventually you will stumble across one or two, or even a few that are real roadblocks to you personally. And there lies the value in the process.

For me, my biggest one was I had become completely used to being unhappy. In fact, it was almost an art, and I.. I was Picasso! The process took a few years, but as I began to become more aware of my unhappiness and the causes of it, I had a number of “ah ha!” moments that really helped me break through the barriers and overcome my propensity for feeling down all the time.

Today I’m certainly not the happiest person in the world, but I AM generally happy. I have learned how to see the good things and merely acknowledge the bad things without identifying with them.

 

-Face Your Comfort Zones. Change is Good.

 

TOTD: Change

It is human nature to fear Change. Yet, it is through change all things happen.

Every experience of Change is a chance for us to learn, grow and become more.

Embrace Change.